Growing up, I was a shy little girl. Most people don’t believe it, but I was and still can be now. I was so shy that I would hide under Momzi’s dress if someone tried to even speak to me. Other times, I would just start crying. I like to say that Momzi loved some of the shyness out of me, by exposing me to so much. I learned how to sew, play the piano, organ, saxophone, twirl, public speaking, sewing and cooking to name a few. The last three were learned while competing in 4-H. I would start to cry many times when Momzi would even correct my inflection while practicing my speeches. My feelings were easily hurt. While friends were outside playing, my brother and I many times were inside practicing our 4-H speeches. Even I was amazed at who I was becoming, each new endeavor at a time.
In my early 20’s, I desired to become a writer/author. I always loved English. Momzi taught English and so did my favorite teacher was Mr. Little in the 6th grade. He taught us how to diagram sentences. I loved it! I would take the newspaper and diagram sentences. I also loved to read. My favorite had become self-help books. I enjoyed treating what I learned as though it was homework. I loved seeing myself grow from one positive implementation to the other. I was hooked! While some friends love the love stories, I found myself looking for the next self-help book I would read. So, I started a corporation in honor my desired writing business. I wanted to inspire others like I had gotten inspired. I was so excited! I began writing almost daily. I was just exploring my new-found hobby.
And then . . .I got scared! Fear got the best of me. Every negative thought one could get, I got and then some. I really hadn’t expressed this desire to anyone except maybe Momzi back then. It was my own little secret. By it being so, NOT doing it meant that I really hadn’t failed, you know? Life happened and I let that desire just be swept away and pushed under a rug, as though the thought, the desire, the inspiration never ever lived – poof! – Quicksand and suffocated.
Fast forward 30 plus years – I hit it! I hit my wall! Fed up with me just existing and not truly living in my life. To others, it probably didn’t look that way, but only you know the fire burning inside of you. Only you know if you are playing full out or if you are holding back. You and only you know. And . . . I knew! Then my Momzi transitioned and it took the wind out of any sail I did have. I was numb, hurt, grieving just like all of us are after losing a loved one. It was my lowest rock bottom yet. I had lost my Dad a few years back and my seventeen-year-old dog named Latte’ a year prior to then. I now have what Brendon Burchard calls mortality motivation. Now I know that the clock is ticking. Tomorrow really isn’t promised. My loved ones may be gone, but I am still blessed to be here. I want to become ready to earn my blessing for still being here. While I was down and out, I heard three different nuggets that jumped out at me at different times:
- More of you needs to show up! – Tony Robbins
- Strive to become the highest true expression of yourself – Oprah
- No matter who you are, all of us have something deep down inside of us that is shouting “I want to live! – Let me out!” – T D Jakes
Mediocre, that’s who I had allowed myself to become over the years. For me I had been riding the roller coaster of hum drum and numb enough to be okay with it, day in and day out, and before I know it, it’s Y-E-A-R-S later. Sure, I had a few successes sprinkled in my life here and there. I have even been blessed throughout my career to literally love most of my job(s). However, year after year consisted of mostly procrastinating regarding almost anything other than work. Of course, my motivation was, I have got to get paid, job wise, that is. To be brutally honest, I became miserable at one of my jobs. I appeared happy, but deep down, I wasn’t. I was doing what I had to do, while neglecting who I was supposed to become. Like I said earlier, only you know the fire burning inside of you. Only you know and . . . I knew.
Who wins? Your half-baked self or your best self? It is my desire that you have decided to soar with your best self also. Re-examine your life. Does it resemble how you imagined your life to be or no? Or did your life take on a personality or a route of its own? Are you nowhere near what you could have imagined? Maybe it’s not your entire life that needs overhauling. Maybe it’s just one area that you would like to improve upon. You know better than anyone else. The ball is in your court.
For me, it was fear and death that had me stuck, but what is it for you? What has you stuck in your life? If I can inspire just one person, as the many self-help books I have immersed myself over the years have done for me, it will be all worth it! This journey has felt a lot like I used to feel as a little girl – so afraid and shy that I just want to cry. Instead, I am forcing myself to go to uncharted waters in my life. I now challenge myself to live outside of my comfort zone for the rest of my journey on this earth. Will you join me? One of my last promises to Momzi was to pursue this passion. I went one step further and named my business after her.
I was doing what I had to do, while neglecting who I was supposed to become – Savoi Rags
Excerpt Absolute Best! Change Your Mindset Change Your Life – due out July 2019
